Wednesday, May 12, 2010

If You Lie to Them, I Will Cut Your Balls Off and Feed them to the Bunnies in my Yard….Then, I Will Tell Them the Truth

The Commando was telling me an interesting story the other night. He is worried about his dad. He doesn’t understand why his dad won't give up on this whole cell phone recycling venture and get a real job with a paycheck.

He knows his mom has a career where they actually pay her money to do work. He wants that for his dad. He can see him struggling financially and he wants him to be secure.

When the little guy brings these concerns to his dad, he is told daddy likes what he does. He feels it is important and he has invested too much time and money in it to give it up now.  He is told daddy plans to save the world one cell phone at a time, even if it means he might one day get into trouble for it.

My 11 year old, freckle-faced child proceeded to tell me it is possible for his dad to receive stolen phones and not know they are stolen. Sometimes, when you’re a "middle man", he says, you can get into trouble when you actually did nothing wrong. “Mom, I don’t understand why dad won’t give this up if there’s a chance he could go to jail.”

The bastard is making up a bed of lies and asking all of my kids to nestle up all safe and cozy underneath the covers of darkness and deceit.

I  have spoken to the US Attorney who is prosecuting Mr. Sunshine's Case. Next week, he will be entering a guilty plea. A sentencing hearing will then be set for later this summer.The US Attorney tells me to prepare the children for their dad to go to jail.

Their dad tells me the company he stole from actually made money from the phones he took as they have been activated by thousands of people, creating new revenue for them. They should be thanking him.  They should give him a commission and a pat on the back for a job well done.  They should not send him to jail. See case study – Narcissist 101.

Meanwhile, as the days pass by in a twisted, anxious blur, I attempt to think the unthinkable. How do I keep these kids whole and healthy when their super strict, church going, Jesus loving, ultra conservative, saint of a father goes to jail?

And now, I have to figure out how to tell them the truth when/if he leads them to believe daddy was an innocent pawn in a twisted scheme to defraud. I will tell them the truth. I will get them help. I will not have them find out from somebody else and have their world collapse unexpectedly.

But first, I will give him a chance to man up, tell them the truth and keep his balls because I hear he’s going to need them where he’s going.


  1. Thus anger...I want to just wrap you all up in a cozy lavender scented blanket and tell you everything will be okay. The truth is, everything will be okay. Because of you. You are enough my love.

  2. WOW! I am so sorry that you are all having to go through this mess. You and those adorable kiddos deserve nothing but the best. I'm just thankful the cammando and his little soul sisters have such a strong and amazing mom to help get them through this alright. You are in our thoughts and prayers!

  3. GIrl, if any mom is strong and brave enough to get her kids through this, it's you. It sucks ass that they have to go through it at all, but y'all will do okay. I can feel it in my bones.

  4. Blessings on you and the kids. As far as your plan with the bunnies and the balls, I'm pretty sure bunnies are mostly might want to feed them to a cat instead. I know one that'll eat most anything.

  5. Your kids will get through this. They'll most likely have a different outlook when it's all said and done, but experience is what shapes us. And this will only make them stronger and wiser. You will do what you can, and it will be enough.


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