Thursday, May 27, 2010
I Am Enough
And just like that, in the blink of an eye, Zen Mama is back. I wanted to stay angry, to bathe underneath a waterfall of anguish and dive into a pool of pity. I wanted to swim in it until I could no longer feel anything. No pain, no worries; just a cool, dead, numbness.
But I’m not dead.
I am alive and I am enough.
I received this cute little package in the middle of my swim in the pity pool. It came from one of my dearest friends, Robin. She’s the Bert to my Ernie, the yin to my yang, the sister I never had. She’s creatively gifted, a non-stop virtual well spring of talent. The things those delicate little hands craft are nothing short of breathtaking.
Throughout my recent struggles, she has been the little birdie in my ear, softly chirping three words to me - “You are Enough”. Over and over and over again, she comes back with it each time I doubt myself, each time I express fear or worry or expose my anger. She comes back with it, those three words.
I suppose I didn’t really believe her or more appropriately, I chose not to believe her because I was safely wrapped up in my anger.
Not one to give up on getting a point across, she took matters into her crafty little hands and sent me this box. My girls wanted to hold it so they could show Robin how excited they were to see it. They know of her talent, it is practically legend in my household. They love her dolls and her knits and they love that mommy has a friend like that. A friend that had apparently picked up a new talent – soldering metal and cutting straight through my anger…..
…….slicing directly into my heart. I cried when I opened it. Then I had to explain to the girls that it had special meaning. That Robin was sending me a message and mommy finally got it. A rush of emotion flooded my heart and I emerged from the ugly, anger infested waters feeling clean, alive, whole and ready to take on anything that comes my way.
On that day in April when I was notified of a suspicious lump in my breast, Robin had sent me a text message. She told me she knew it was going to turn out okay because she had envisioned a picture of me with lovely roses covering my breast. As I waited for the results of the biopsy, she reminded me of her vision. She was, of course, correct about everything. On the flip side of her pendant, she gifted me with this charming lady who, like me, is calm and clean of anger, delicate and perhaps even soft spoken but wearing her battle proven armor, a breast plate of roses.
And with that, just like that – I am enough.