Thursday, November 26, 2009

Shit Creek - It's Not Just a Tourist Attraction

I suppose I should give you fair warning at this juncture.

Because we are irreparably, irrevocably and irreversibly tied together through our kids, there will NEVER be a conclusion to the Mr. Sunshine (with much more than a chance of pain) postings.

There seems to be no end to the insanity, or as I like to call it exceptional blogger-fodder.

There is no and has never been any child support between us, we share joint custody. I'm certain that's why we get along so well. However, there are bills that come which need to be shared. These are expenses relating to education, medical, extra curricular activities, etc. For the most part, we have always reconciled these balances and paid our equal share to the other.

About a year ago, I noticed Mr. Sunshine was experiencing a sudden change in his financial status. The kids were talking of these awesome, amazing and quite expensive things dad was buying them. I was hoping he hadn't fallen back into the old habits of spending on credit and pretending to be something he was not.

Then the really big purchases materialized - a $90,000 lot to build a home, paid in cash, an engagement ring and a car for the fiance, paid in cash, and a three week cruise to the Mediterranean, you guessed it, paid in cash.

Mr. Sunshine couldn't have reestablished his credit by that much, that fast. The dude must be pulling in some ginormous chunks of moolah. When I asked him, he told me he was running an Ebay business on the side and had stumbled upon a great opportunity. Within six months or so, he left his "real" job, once again to pursue his dreams of being the proprietor of his very own entrepreneurial enterprise.

This was not unexpected, who would work if they didn't have to? Good for him.  You go, Mr. Sunshine!

Then that freakish little devil that occasionally appears on my shoulder thought - I could be a greedy, money-grubbing ex wife and go after him for child support since he so obviously far exceeded my level of income but it was just a fleeting fantasy.  The better part of me, the chubby, diaper-wearing, cherub that has to counter balance the devil gave it a resounding "Nah".

Good thing I didn't. Turns out, that "great opportunity" he had stumbled upon involved taking inventory from his employer and selling it to a wholesaler overseas. Apparently HIS freakish little devil was a better negotiator.

As the story unfolded, or as he tells it - he left the employer, stopped running the Ebay operation and started his new Ebay business, which is similar to the other one but without all the stealing, fraud and stuff. He left without being caught and thought all was well and right with the world until he received notice that he would be facing federal charges, damages in excess of half a million and possible jail time.  Oops.

Now Lord knows, I'm a reasonable woman.  When he came over to tell me all this - out of fear it would hit the press and I would find out anyway - my main concern was for him. Nobody wants to see the father of their children go to jail. When he was pulling in the big bucks, I was happy because I knew the kids would always be taken care of.  I was equally as devastated to learn - he was now so far up shit creek, he might never be found again.

Mr. Sunshine's confession had occurred in late summer, just before the kids were to start school.  In an effort to ease his burdens, I covered all the back to school expenses along with paying some medical bills that included counseling for The Commando. I told him he could pay me in increments if it would help. If I had enough money to cover all those expenses without hurting my own cash flow, I would have done so, but alas, I'm blogging for free, ya know. Girlfriend hasn't been optioned for a book, well at least not yet anyway.

Last week, needing money to pay some bills, I asked him if he could just pay me something towards the balance owed. He refused to pay me anything, saying he did not agree with the counseling charges.

In his opinion, The Commando is fine, doesn't need any counseling.

Okay, then just pay me for the educational expenses and we can deal with the rest later.

No.  Unless you agree to drop the other charges entirely, I won't pay you anything.

Look, if you're hurting for money, I understand.  Just give me $200, less than half the educational cost.

No. Listen, AN- GE -LA, I will not pay you anything!  I made you an offer and you turned it down so you will get nothing. No soup for you. Next!

I then reminded him of all the health insurance premiums I had been covering at no cost to him, along with tons of other things I've let slide all in the name of sweet peace and harmony.  I told him if he forces my hand and I have to take him to court, it would be a substantial amount of money. If you will simply show me you are a man of your word and you will honor your obligations to your children, I will continue to work with you but you gotta give me something.

I don't think I need to tell you his answer.

I met with an attorney yesterday and we're moving ahead. The total amount he owes me exceeds $8,000.  I am hoping to receive a judgment and then attach a lien to that expensive piece of land before the court orders him to sell it for remuneration to his employer.

I am broken-hearted over the loss.  We have lost our ability to hang out together and show mutual respect and appreciation in front of our kids. We are taking that precious gift away from them. I am saddened but I believe all will prevail.  One day, everyone will know what went on and each of us, Sunshine and I, will have to be accountable to our children for our actions.

I do hope for the best and I pray everyday that he won't go to jail. I hated it when he pretended to be something he was not in front of the kids. "Daddy is going to get elected and change the world", he would say as he headed off for the results of another failed election.  Like many other 11 year old boys, The Commando still believes his dad has super powers.

Now, I wish he truly did too.


  1. Just what the world needs, another corrupt politician. It would suck if he went to jail because no kid wants to say their dad is in prison. You'll have to come up with a great speech about "when a person does something illegal they still have to pay the price even if he is your dad." Did the fiance stick around or did she hock the ring and run?

  2. That's just horrible - all the corruption and then how he is pulling away from his responsibility yet again.. Of course, you wouldn't want the father of your kids to go to jail but at the same time this guy really needs some kick-in-the-butt growing up lesson, the ones he's gotten so far haven't worked..

  3. Miss Angela,

    Reading your life makes me realize how much I did not know about you - but also how amazing you are. Rock on girlfriend!

  4. Ouch! I hate that you are going through this but proud of you for how you are handling it.

  5. It is really hard to like him. I know all about the ampution of parts of yourself in the name of peace and harmony. A certain amount of that is the right thing to do, and some is not. That line is the hardest thing to define. I know you can't hate him, so I will do that for you, kay?

  6. Jules - the finance is still hanging around - she's a counselor so I'm certain she will figure out her own path.

    Ms. Over Thinker - I do understand the reason why the lessons would be valuable for him but I'm going to need to nurture my little Commando back from the brink of extinction if his beloved father goes to jail. Catch 22 doesn't even begin to cover it.

    Teri, Sweetie and Robin - You get it, you get me and you can hate him as long and hard as you want.

  7. You did the right thing by giving him the benefit of the doubt for so long. I too raised my oldest (now 20) through a joint custody situation. It is never easy as good as it sounds. In the end you'll be glad you did it. Giving you an A+ in effort trying to keep all in sync, even when your furthest from being so.
    Its a task one will come to master over the years when these tough emotional days are a distant memory!

    Got get him!!!

    Can you send me your email to
    I would like to elaborate on my story without the public forum.
    (again with the "my not having any balls" thing!)

  8. Thanks Hollywood. I look forward to hearing more from you!

  9. I have seen people like him all the time and I can just pray for them to change their behavior. This story you told us here it's too sad but for his children because if he goes to jail the kids will suffer and this will have an impact in their lives


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