Today was a beautiful fall day spent raking leaves, repairing down spouts, trimming trees and clearing off the patio furniture in anticipation of the deluge of snow lurking just around the corner. As far as my crew goes, one child was helpful, one was indifferent, one was working elsewhere and one was positively bad. As bad as he could think to be.
As I was raking, I imagined all the years gone by doing this particular chore. I like to rake, mainly because I love the smell and feel of autumn; however this year, something felt off about it. It wasn't happy raking, it was contemplative, introspective raking. Not a good thing.
Even with the help of my one little trooper and her sister who popped in and out to keep up the "appearance" of actually helping, it felt overwhelming. In spite of all my friendly neighbors who stopped by to chat, I had this unshakable sensation of being alone; perhaps more lonely than alone. I am tired of being alone - to be responsible for all of this - just me.
I am strong, I know I am, but household chores are more fun with two. It's been five years on my own now. I am ready for a leaf raking partner. Any volunteers?
And so go the thoughts of a contemplative raker.