Saturday, October 24, 2009

Falling Fast

Today was a beautiful fall day spent raking leaves, repairing down spouts, trimming trees and clearing off the patio furniture in anticipation of the deluge of snow lurking just around the corner. As far as my crew goes, one child was helpful, one was indifferent, one was working elsewhere and one was positively bad. As bad as he could think to be.

As I was raking, I imagined all the years gone by doing this particular chore. I like to rake, mainly because I love the smell and feel of autumn; however this year, something felt off about it. It wasn't happy raking, it was contemplative, introspective raking. Not a good thing.

Even with the help of my one little trooper and her sister who popped in and out to keep up the "appearance" of actually helping, it felt overwhelming. In spite of all my friendly neighbors who stopped by to chat, I had this unshakable sensation of being alone; perhaps more lonely than alone. I am tired of being alone - to be responsible for all of this - just me.

I am strong, I know I am, but household chores are more fun with two. It's been five years on my own now. I am ready for a leaf raking partner. Any volunteers?

And so go the thoughts of a contemplative raker.

10 comments:

  1. Hope the volunteers come raking in...

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  2. Yes, I do too! Will rake for food - I can cook a mean chili.

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  3. If I were only closer, I'd be your Huckleberry.

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  4. I think you should stay away from Hawaii. Sounds depressing.

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  5. Just move back to Oklahoma where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain and blows your leaves into the neighbors' yards! Problem solved!

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  6. Nest - Wouldn't that be fun - the two of us frolicking in the leaves...1...2...3...JUMP!

    Julie - you are correct but mainly I think it was PMS!

    Sweetie - Amen to that. I miss the convenience of God's big leaf blower.

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  7. I'm hoping the next time we hear about raking leaves the story comes complete with optimism, smiles and possibly another character. ;) In the mean time, enjoy the fact that the kids actually want to help. I don't think I could have been paid to rake leaves when I was little.

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  8. You know, I think this fall season has brought in storms of melancholy. I kinda feel the same way. I am lonely, but not alone. It will pass. And on it's way I hope a wonderful visitor will stop and say hello.

    Angie

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  9. Carrie - very good point, although they didn't exactly WANT to help! Turns out, it was just another bad case of PMS!

    Angie - I hope the same for you! Thanks for the kind words.

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  10. Awe, I'm sorry I missed this post. I realize this feeling is over now, but you should know you're doing a great job. Just being there raking leaves with your kids is more than what some can handle. This is coming from a child of divorce.

    I hope you take time for yourself... it's important for everyone to be happy. :)

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