Thursday, September 10, 2009

Don't Get Your Spanx In A Wad

I am adding a new label to my blog log today. I thought of it while driving home tonight just after I discovered I had been wearing my dress backwards all day. Seriously, how does someone manage to pull that off? My office is small - we're all fairly close, that's to say we're close as in a) we seem to like each other and b) there are very few actual walls in our office.

Granted, the dress looks virtually the same from the front or back. I shouldn't have expected anyone to notice but why did it take ME to the end of the day to finally stop and realize the darn thing was choking me. The higher cut back was riding up my neck like a dog collar while the lower cut front had surely exposed my bra straps during that brief stint when I took my blazer off to deal with the stagnant air in our tight-knit little community of unobservant, preoccupied desk jockeys.

If I am ever so lucky to be able to publish my musings in a format other than this, I should like to title my work, "Don't Get Your Spanx in a Wad". It's a way for the sisterhood of backwards-dress-wearing, crazy ass, powerful women to relate to each other. You have to laugh and accept these oddball happenings and love yourself to death for all your human frailty.

I can't begin to imagine what the uptight "Brookfield Betty's" ( local term -utilize your own euphemism for the perfect people in your community here) would think of a woman who embraces this kind of decorum. I not only embrace it, I revel in it - you hear me? It's time for us one and all to unite and admit we can rule the world with one black pump and one navy blue pump pulled from the closet during the early morning haze of burnt toast, fussy children and a make-or-break presentation you're supposed to give later that morning.

You will give that presentation and you will dare them to say something, just one thing, about your clashing clodhoppers. Hold your head up high, take a deep breath, click your mismatched heels three times and then consider yourself blessed to be a part of the sisterhood of the unraveling spanx.


  1. It must have been in the air yesterday...I walked into the bathroom after my hearing (real lawyer stuff, with a judge and everything) only to discover my zipper had been down the whole time! Great!

  2. OMG - I've done that before as well - just not in open court. Poor baby!

  3. Congratulations - you've won an award! Scoot on over to No Telling to pick it up!

  4. what a funny post - can I be in the sisterhood? I have an impressive resume in wardrobe malfunction :)

  5. Well, Monda, fancy meetin' you here! You're just sprinkling awards like fairy dust all over the place, aren't ya? Well, I agree that Zen Mama deserves one.

    ZM, my dear, I'm glad at last to know that I'm not the only one who has walked out of the house wearing one black and one brown trouser stocking. And I once had the exact same experience you describe with a sleeveless velvet evening gown -- I kid you not -- that I wore backwards all night, wondering why it kept bunching up at the shoulders. Sigh...

  6. Monda - thanks again for the award - be gentle, it's my first!

    Kathi & Margo - consider yourselves both part of the sisterhood. Not only are you both inclined to dress incorrectly but you are also both talented writers. I enjoy your blogs and am proud to add you to my blog roll! Rock on sisterhood....


Thanks for stopping by. I would love to hear from you.