Saturday, April 10, 2010

Visitors in the Night

I try to pay close attention to my dreams.  I am one of the lucky ones who not only has the experience of wild, vivid dreams but I can generally remember them the next day. My mom used to look forward to dreams where she was visited by dad or my two brothers after they had passed. She truly believed they were communicating with her from the great beyond, bringing her a message or just spending time with her because she missed them so much.

Last night, I received such a visit.  Mom, Dad, Robby and Mark were all there. There were others who are very much alive; thus, for much of the dream, it hadn't occurred to me that anything was unusual. I had forgotten they were all dead. One by one, they began to be called back.

Each was called in the order they had died. The manner in which they had to go was viscerally brutal. They had to have their hearts removed, then go through a series of painful procedures only to finally be placed into what could only be described as a casket sized, ominously terrifying  ironing press. Once they were placed in the press, the giant lever would come down and squeeze them until they disappeared into nothing but hot vapors.

By the time I witnessed Dad and Mark go, I knew Robby would be next. They had enjoyed their time here, it was comfortable and happy. They communicated with their thoughts and expressions; no spoken words. Each had a countenance that told me they were delighted to see me, yet pained to go. Each one looked at me and I heard the words in my head......I'm sorry. They didn't have to say why, I simply knew and each time, I forgave and accepted.

Then I turned to my mom.  She was the only one left. At first, I was relieved for in my sub conscience mind, I thought she was still part of the living. In the dream world, she was still with me. Thank God I still have her, I thought to myself.  Then she stood to go, to prepare to have her heart removed. I screamed and fought and pleaded with her to stay. Not you too, I need you. Can't you see that?  I need you now more than ever.Why did you do it, why did you give up and let yourself die? But within minutes, she was nothing but a hot vapor.

The next thing I did was lie down in the surgical bed where they had all had their hearts removed and waited for my turn.


  1. Oh God. Brutal. Was this horrifying or some kind of actual closure?

  2. It was both horrifying and an actual closure with everyone except mom.

  3. Whoa. Goosebumps.

    I hope next time I make it to Milwaukee we can have that drink and celebrate good news....not the removal of your heart.

  4. I am yet again blown away by the skill, intensity, depth and passion of your words. I'm not sure if that was a dream or nightmare, coming from someone who almost never remembers the contents of his dreams.

    Sleep peacefully tonight.

  5. Cathy - yes, we can celebrate. Pretty sure my heart will still be there ;-).

    Joe - As always, it means a lot to hear your feedback from one writer to another. Glad I can impress you, even with such a bizarre topic. Had a great night's sleep last night, dreaming I filmed a movie with the cast from "Friends". Much better!


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