Tuesday, June 29, 2010

If Not For Our Addictions - Part Three

You know, you really don't have to give me that look, I tell the figure staring back at me on the other side of the big yellow teeter totter, I know what you're thinking. You must think you're real smart, figuring me out like that. But if you're so fucking brilliant, then tell me why you're stuck up there at the top of this ride.  Your feet can't even reach the ground. You're hopelessly suspended at my will.  Only I decide when you get to come down.

"I can jump off".

Shit.  I hadn't thought of that. Oh, the memories of those days on the John Glenn Elementary playground from years gone by. Nothing, and I mean nothing was worse than placing your full faith and trust in your teeter totter pal, only to have them jump off and send you flying like the ugly second cousin (twice removed) in a Romanian circus act.

So, it is to be a power play, is it?  Touche.

With a quick thrust, I bring myself to center while locking my gaze upon my adversary. I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. We are here, we are now, we are both steadfast and firmly planted with our feet on the ground. None can move unless the other decides to let go.  Unless the other recklessly loses balance, or abandons focus or falters or physically exhausts themselves beyond reprieve or mentally checks out or just to be clear, simply lets go and walks away.     

And so begins the dance. I recognize this person now, the one holding my life here in this balancing act. I have dreamed of her, painted vivid pictures of her in my mind, envisioned her life in such intimate detail I even have a book with pictures of her home, her patio, her vacations, the grand piano that sits in front of the large picture window.  Her home is warm and inviting, full of friends and kids and her kid's friends and their friends and on an on. I have never been there but I know it exists because she is me.

There is a light surrounding her - it is bluish in color.

She is the one who finally gets it. She has grasped for all that should be hers and it came to her. She is healthy, at peace and strong enough to withstand all that life wishes to teach her. She is that which she is. She is me and I am that. And together, we can stand in the center of our life - not on opposing ends, fighting against one another.  I will not stop her out of fear or ignorance or complacency, not even for a big ol' plate of enchilatas.

And with this, a new journey begins.


  1. Gasping.
    I lift my jaw back into its upright and locked position.
    You are the shit.
    You know that don't you?
    I am so glad I just read that.
    That I get to read you. To know you. To love you. To play with you, especially that...

  2. I love playing with you too my friend. Lets jump on the monkey bars and just hang for a while.


Thanks for stopping by. I would love to hear from you.