Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Good Man Project - Behind Every Good Man.....

Isn't he yummy, Cary Grant? Much sexier than Clooney, Pitt or any other movie star icon from today. Cary symbolized suave and seemingly seeped charisma from his very pores. His screen personalities could joust with the strongest female characters of the time and eventually convince them to just stop all their fussing and fall helplessly and hopelessly into his arms forever. He took on Katharine Hepburn, Maureen O'Hara, Grace Kelly, Doris Day, Sophia Loren and even Mae West. All feisty, all independent, strong-willed women, all eventually succumbed to his devilish charm.  In the movies that is.

His real life, born as Archibald Leach, was marred with rumors of being gay or bi-sexual. He married five times. This is why the focus of my blog post today will be on the real-life Cary Grant's I know, not the Archibald Leach's of the world, a few of which I met and married.  Make sense? Let's get started then.

I had a frustrating lunch with two of my girlfriends last week. One of them seemed to have arrived at a place in her life where she felt she needed a man for one thing, and one thing only, and it's not to make repairs around the house. After an hour or so of trying to convince her otherwise, I figuratively threw my hands in the air and gave up; yet, I knew deep down, she was wrong.

All of my girlfriends are strong, focused, successful women. Some of them selected an Archibald in their youth, before they knew any better, then were able to enjoy the fruits of meeting their Cary Grant later in life. These are good guys who can appreciate a gutsy, determined, intelligent, opinionated woman while still being a man who knows when to wrap them up (reference helplessly above) in his arms and allow them to cry.

There's Larry#1 who married a single mom and built her a castle (literally). He helps her care for her ailing mother and her 16 year old daughter with a gentle spirit representing what a man should be.

Mark #1 married my friend T and restored her belief in love after she endured abuse at the hands of an alcoholic and the death of her baby boy. He now insists upon taking care of her daughter who just graduated from college, saying he wants to help her out financially for a bit so she can build a nest egg to start her new life.

Russ fell in love with K right before my eyes.  I was there at the precise moment they met. He runs an international company in Chicago, commuting by train everyday from Milwaukee so he can come home to his wife and young son. His daughter was fully grown, he was finished with the parental aspect of his life; yet, you should see the twinkle in his eyes when he speaks of this little boy who is now very much his own.

Mark #2 travels back and forth from Oklahoma City to Houston to be at his sister's bedside while she is undergoing cancer treatment at MD Anderson. He comes home to K and their gorgeous daughter and devotes the same attention to them, never seeming to give much thought to his own needs.

My friend V was lucky enough to have experienced two good men in her life.  I think that's because she is like walking sunshine, you feel warm in her presence.  After losing her first husband, she eventually met Dave. He stirs excitement and exudes the same inner warmth and depth, creating a life together full of adventure with plenty of room to always welcome friends.

Larrry #2 found my single mom friend S, whose two children had been exposed to an alcoholic father. He helped her complete the child rearing and now enjoys time with their grand kids at their serene lake cabin getaway.

Doug buried his wife after complications she suffered from the OKC bombing. He was unsure about marriage to my friend D but a trip to Ireland convinced him to come home and literally sweep her off her feet. They married in Hawaii and seem to be almost custom made for each other.

My bright, beautiful friend J met Alan after being single for many years. She had buried her husband (again, from alcoholism), was raising two sons and was determined to put herself through school. This slightly younger, charming man didn't try to tame the feisty blond; instead he grabbed on for the ride of his life. They are unique in that they have some distinctly different points of view but at the end of the day, they celebrate their love and share their good fortune with everyone lucky enough to be a part of their lives.

Three of my girlfriends married right out of high school and are still married today.  Boone, Randy and Steve all have one thing in common. There is a calmness to them, a sense they can be counted on for anything and an unwavering belief in doing the right thing. Plus, it doesn't hurt when one of them just celebrated their 27th wedding anniversary and they love to have sex standing up!

The lesson here is hope.  There is hope for my girlfriend who seemed on the verge of giving up last week. She sent me a quick message on Monday to tell me I was right. She does want someone in her life after all.  She has been wasting a lot of time with Archibald-types, especially the one who was most likely gay. My other two girlfriends who are just leaving lengthy marriages; one with a meth addicted doctor and one with a narcissistic, "Sleeping with the Enemy" control freak will all find their way if they simply allow themselves to believe their Cary Grant awaits.  But more importantly, they have to know how lucky he will be to have found them.

My dear friend, set your heart free, release the fear that resides within you and allow it to fly away like a gentle dove on the winds of change. Give it time to coast and glide along these winds of destiny until it is able to circle around and come back to you, fully open and ready to embrace what the universe will provide. You won't recognize him until you can see this within your own soul.

Let it go and let it come.


  1. I was playing a game with friends and the question was "which movie star would you most like living next door to you?" Everyone thought I would answer Brad Pitt or Clooney, but I said Cary Grant. Made my husband very happy. He is our favorite for the same reasons you stated. I just love Arsenic and Old Lace.

  2. That's pretty awesome and your optimism is pretty darn amazing. Sounds like your friends all found great partners.

  3. Oh, I just found your blog and loved reading all those wonderful stories about really great relationships. It gave me hope! And I loved Cary Grant too. thanks! You brightened my day.

  4. Thank you for including my second who is the first. You know, my counsellor cum neomother told me that when I got healthier I would want healthier. SO when we look back at those steeping stones that grew us up, we no longer see the attraction, we see the dysfunction. I and all of us who 'got there' got better, knew better and expected more. And we are getting it, sometimes while standing up.

    I love you deeply, hard and often.

  5. Mr. Sweetie has gotten quite the big head. He was mentioned on your blog and on Patti Digh's in the same week. He really thinks he's sumpin now!


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